Trying To Find Air To Breath Again
by mrssamwinchester93
Summary: Emerson Teller has fallen in love with the mystery that is Ben Mason. She's drawn to him like a moth to a flame but what will their new world think of their feelings? Will they survive their apocalyptic future? Can they? I don't own Falling Skies.
1. I Love The Way That Your Heart Breaks

**Trying To Find Air to Breathe Again**

**I'm writing this Falling Skies fanfiction because I'm in love with Ben Mason. He's my favorite character on the show and I just can't seem to find any other fanfictions that blow my skirt up, you know what I mean? There just aren't any that I particularly enjoy so I decided to write my own. Emerson Teller is of my own creation and any other characters mentioned do not belong to me.**

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**I Love the Way That Your Heart Breaks**

She'd been staring at him for at least the last six months and she knew that he knew that she stared. She couldn't help it. Human beings were creatures who wanted to capture and possess beauty so it was no wonder she stared at him. He stood out in a crowd due to his height. His dirty blonde hair used to curl around his ears but he'd kept it short so he didn't have to deal with it. She imagined running her fingers through it when she found her mind drifting. His sea green eyes penetrated everyone who could meet his gaze. They were deep and fathomless and held great sorrows within their depths. He'd suffered after this invasion and you could easily see it in his eyes. He'd had to grow up too fast and it was obvious in the lines of his face and in the shadows of his eyes.

His face had narrowed in the two and a half years that she'd known of him and yet he still possessed a hint of baby fat in his cheeks. His lower lip was full and slightly crooked against his upper lip and she dreamed of biting it in the throes of passion. His neck was long and narrow and she could just feel the columns of his throat working beneath the pads of her fingers. His shoulders were broad and strong and she could easily see the muscles of his back working beneath his clothes. Her favorite part of him was his hands. She loved to watch them flex against the heavy metal of his rifle when he was waiting to go on a mission with the rest of the Second Mass battalion. She could tell just from staring at them that they were rough and strong and would feel spectacular skimming the length of her back.

She sighed and forced herself to look away from him before she got caught. She knew he wasn't fond of her staring. He probably contributed it to the spikes that ran the length of his spine. He probably assumed that she thought he was disgusting and didn't deserve to be a part of their group. If anything his spikes made him more beautiful to her. It proved that he had survived a terrible experience that so other few had survived. It proved that he was a fighter. She admired him for that.

She rolled her neck along her shoulders and gathered her stack of ragged books and headed to her makeshift classroom. Emerson Teller had been just barely 18 and a freshman and Boston College when the aliens, or skitters as they were so intelligently named, invaded the world. She'd found refuge with the Second Mass and had quickly been given the title of English Teacher when Colonel Weaver learned of her English Education major. It didn't matter that she'd barely started her degree. Tom Mason and Colonel Weaver both agreed that education was something that needed to continue in their post-apocalyptic world.

Emmy kept mostly to herself. She did her job and helped in other areas when she was needed. She spent what little free time she had either safely scouting for usable books or getting to know Lourdes. They had become fast friends after learning that both of them had lost their entire family in the invasion. It helped that Lourdes was also thrust into a career path she'd only just started to understand.

Emerson had grown up around the Boston area with her parents and younger sister. She had been at school when the aliens came. Her sister had been in fifth grade when it happened. She'd be 12 now. She found her parents dead when the group had managed to cross through her neighborhood. They were in the kitchen. It looked like they'd been surprised in the house. It helped her cope to know that they died quickly. Her sister Carrie was still missing. A part of her hoped that she wasn't harnessed but a bigger part of her knew that she more likely than not was.

It had been almost three years since it happened and she was just trying to live this new life that she'd been thrust into. Having boys like Ben Mason to look at and daydream about was a new perk to her life.

She remembered when he had first come to camp. Everyone was in an uproar because Tom Mason, their unofficial leader, had finally found his missing son with a group of harnessed kids and they were going to try to remove the harnesses. Ever since she'd first seen Ben, she couldn't stop dreaming about him.

He was 16 when they first found him and it'd been a year and a half since then. He'd grown into a strong and gorgeous teenager that she couldn't stop thinking about. It didn't matter that he was younger than her. Hal was into Maggie and she had at least five years on him.

She shook her head and left the room, continuing down the hall to retrieve more books from what was left of the small library down the hall. She felt someone come up beside her and sighed. "You were staring again." She glanced over at her friend. Lourdes was just as tall as her and almost as shy. Lourdes had been with the second Mass longer though and knew more people by name.

Lourdes was beautiful in an exotic way. She had a thin face and a dark complexion with shiny brown hair that fell down her back in waves and ended just at her waist. She was incredibly intelligent and was one of the only people who Emerson could have a full and comprehensive conversation with. She was also the only person who knew about Emerson's fascination with the middle Mason son.

"I'm always staring. It's not like it's a new thing." She whispered, glancing around. She wanted to make sure that none of the Masons were around. For some reason, she didn't want any of them to know that she had a thing for Ben but Tom already knew.

It had happened a week and a half ago. Emerson had attempted to hold a makeshift Parent/Teacher conference for the ten or so kids that she actually taught. Only two couples appeared and one dad for his son and two mothers for their children. It pained Emerson to realize how many parents were actually dead when half of her students didn't have either parent to represent them.

She had shaken the morbid thoughts from her mind though when, ten minutes before she was getting ready to close up shop, Tom Mason walked through her door and smiled at her. "I hope I'm not too late." He said as he carefully positioned his lanky frame in the middle school sized plastic chair. Emerson smiled and shook her head, sitting down herself and passing him a tattered folder containing Matt's work.

She sat silently for a few minutes while Tom glanced over his youngest child's progress. She thought back to the day almost two years ago when she had become a part of the Second Mass. She had been hiding in her old home just outside of Boston. It was dark and cold and she didn't know when she had last eaten. She hadn't heard him come up behind her let alone into the house. She remembered bits and pieces from that night. Tom told her a few days later as she recovered in the hospital that she had been delirious with dehydration and starvation.

Emerson had recounted for him how she'd traveled from school to her home just as soon as she'd been able. It didn't take her long to get home and rush inside only to find her parents dead and her sister gone. She'd been so lost in her grief that she couldn't bring herself to do anything but huddle up into a ball in her old room and wait for the inevitable.

Ultimately, Tom had interfered and taken her back to the Second Mass where she'd recovered and quickly became a member of the group if not a quiet one. It wasn't for several more months that Weaver noticed her love of books.

Every time they had to move, if she saw a book lying in the road or within her reach, no matter how big or small or how dirty and worn, she'd snatch it up and bury it within the confines of her backpack. After seeing her pick up at least a dozen books, he'd asked her what she intended to do with them. She stared him straight in the eyes and said, "Read them." He smiled and shook his head before approaching Tom.

"She was an English Education major with a minor in Writing before the invasion." Tom told him. Weaver smiled. "Where'd she go to school?" Tom shifted his gaze in thought. "Boston College. She was half way through her freshman year when we were attacked." Weaver nodded again and rubbed his hand over his chin in thought. Tom drew his eyebrows together. "What are you thinking, Dan?"

The Colonial met Tom's eyes and licked his lips. "You and I both know how important education is and it's even more important now more than ever." Tom nodded, catching onto his line of thought. "With her English background, she could easily step in as an English teacher to help these kids learn something." Tom smiled. "And you and I both know, Tom, how unnoticed she goes. If she teaches these kids, it'll be a way for her to become a bigger part of Second Mass. She'll be more than just a civilian."

"Well, Dan, let's bring it up to her and see how she takes it." Needless to say, Emerson had been thrilled at the prospect of having something to do. Before their proposition, she'd done little more than sit in the corners and flip through the dirty pages of the books she'd discovered. She couldn't say yes fast enough. It didn't take long for her to settle into a groove with the teacher responsibility. Parents had been eager to send their children back to school if only for a few hours to remove their minds from the imminent threat that was an ever constant reminder of the world they no longer lived in.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Tom closed Matt's folder and rested it on the edge of her desk. "Is he doing okay, Emmy?" Tom Mason had quickly become like a second father to her. He'd taken her under his wing when he'd found her and he'd helped her adjust to life within the Second Mass.

He was easy to get along with and she adored his compassion and strength during the long months that Ben was missing. She'd watched him cry in desperation and rejoice when there was a sighting of his middle child. She'd witnessed his sadness first hand when he realized that Ben wouldn't be the same after the harness was removed.

"He's come a long way since he first started coming here but I'm a little concerned with his…extra-curricular activities." She wanted to broach the subject lightly but she had no intention of not broaching it at all. Tom smiled stiffly and ran his open palms over the tops of his thighs. "I'm aware of his proclivities for John Pope and his band of misfits and I've addressed the situation with Pope on more than one occasion." Emerson nodded and folded her hands on top of her desk.

"I'm glad that you're aware of the situation. I'm just concerned that it will only grow to the point where he begins missing class. He hasn't yet but his work is suffering if you didn't already notice." She gestured toward the folder on the edge of her desk and Tom nodded. "I did indeed." She smiled thinly. "Well, I've informed him of what will happen if he doesn't bring up his grade but he doesn't seem to care like the other students. Part of me is afraid that our personal relationship gets in the way of him seeing me as an authority figure."

Tom smiled. Emerson had easily become a member of his family. Hal treated her like a sister as did Matt. He noticed she didn't spend as much time with Ben and at first he thought it had to do with the spikes on his back. He never would have thought that Emerson was shallow enough to let the spikes on his sons back bar her from getting to know him.

Tom had caught her staring on several occasions and once intended to confront her but he'd stopped himself and watched her face. She was blushing when she watched Ben. He looked at the young woman that had quickly become a part of his family and saw her in a whole new light. She was watching Ben like one would watch a sunset. She was infatuated with him.

Tom changed his mind and decided not to say anything to Emerson about his knowledge of her infatuation with his son. He wanted to save that for a later date.

"Don't let it get to you, Emmy. Matt loves you and has told me on more than one occasion that you can be pretty scary when you turn on your teacher voice." Emerson laughed and pushed an errant strand of hair out of her face. "Well, thank you, Tom, for coming in to talk to me. I know how busy you can get." Tom nodded and stood up, preparing to leave but not quiet finished talking.

"You know, Emerson, if you actually spoke to Ben instead of staring at him he'd be a little less hostile towards you." Emerson froze and blinked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. The color drained from her face and she brought one hand up to her mouth. Tom would have laughed if the sight wasn't so heart wrenching. "Emerson, it's okay." She shook her head violently back and forth before collapsing back into her desk chair.

"Oh, my God." She rested her elbows on her knees and hid her face in her hands. She heard Tom sit in the chair across from her. "Emerson…" She brought one hand up and in front of her, silencing him. It was several more minutes before she looked up at him. "You knew?" He smiled gently and nodded. "Yes." She whimpered and clenched her eyes shut, shaking her head.

"I can't believe I was that obvious." Tom chuckled lightly. "Emerson, it's really not that big of a deal." She nodded. "Yes, yes it is because now he knows that I stare at him and he probably thinks I'm a freak." Tom scoffed and stood, coming around the edge of the desk and kneeling in front of her, taking both of her hands in his. "Emerson, Ben doesn't think you're a freak but," He cocked his head to the left lightly. "I do think he would like an explanation as to why you stare at him. He tends to jump to conclusions and probably doesn't think it's for the same reason that I do." She laughed tightly.

"Ever since he first got to camp, I can't help but look at him." Tom blinked and allowed her continue. He had no idea that her infatuation started over a year ago. He was aware of the age difference but Hal had Maggie and they were several more years apart that Ben and Emerson. In a world like theirs, finding love was like finding an angel in hell. He wouldn't stop anyone from finding it.

"He was so…beautiful." She couldn't believe she was saying this to Tom of all people. The biological father of the boy she was in love with. Yes, she was in love with him. He was beautiful and broken and mended and missing parts of himself that he'd never get back but that's was made him wonderful. He'd survived a massive trauma and was stronger for it even if parts of him were gone forever, he'd found a part of himself he never would have otherwise.

"I don't make a habit of staring at ugly things. Ben has held my attention like no one before him and it kills me inside that I can't gather the courage to speak to him." Tom tightened his hands on hers. If only Ben knew the reason for why she stared at him but Tom knew it wasn't his place to tell him. Emerson had to do that herself.

"I'm sorry." Tom brought a hand up to her face and stroked her cheekbone. "Emmy," She looked up at him, tears threatening to spill over at any second. "We don't chose who we fall in love with." That did it. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she shook her head, blinking the rest away. "You'll have to tell him eventually." Tom whispered before standing. She nodded and wiped at her cheeks. "Make it sooner rather than later, Emerson."

He made to leave the room but turned back to look at her. "If you don't say anything, he'll only grow to dislike you more than he already does." Emerson flinched. Tom sure didn't pull any punches. "He assumes you stare for the wrong reasons. Don't let him assume for too much longer."

Tom had said that to her a week and a half ago and she still hadn't said anything to Ben. A few days after that conversation, Tom had given her a stern look when Ben had sneered rather viscously at her as he passed. Since then, she'd been avoiding both Tom and Ben and as an extension, the other Mason boys and Anne. All this avoiding was getting exhausting and she was almost tempted to say something to Ben. Almost being the key word.

Lourdes sighed and placed a gently hand on her arm, stopping her in the hallway. "Emerson, I'm not sure why you're so hesitant to inform Ben of your infatuation with him," She opened her mouth to speak but Lourdes held up a hand, cutting her off. "But you'll never know what would happen until you say something." Emerson looked down and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

If she was honest, she didn't know why she never said anything to Ben. He was beautiful and he captured her with it but whenever he was around, her mouth went dry and her vocal chords froze. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't speak around him.

She looked up at Lourdes and smiled thinly. "I don't know either, Lourdes. It's an unexplainable reaction that prevents me from speaking to him. I'll just have to be content with watching him from afar." Lourdes gave her a pitying smile before nodding and turning around, back to the infirmary.

Emerson turned and entered the small library where only a sad number of books were still kept. The space had been transformed from a useless storage closet to a makeshift library when they'd first set up camp in Charleston. They'd put her books that she'd collected in alphabetical order along the rusty metal storage shelves and she smiled at their familiar and dusty spines.

There were five rows on either side of the closet and a meager number of books occupied each shelf. There were more than she could have ever hoped for but less than she would have liked to have had. It made her happy that they'd been able to find a worn out box set of the Harry Potter series and she'd read it every year since they'd found it. The Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe was amongst the few titles along with Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and To Sir with Love. A few of her own personal books were among the collection including Gone with the Wind, Friday Night Lights, Dracula and Grimm's Collection of Fairy Tales.

She was so preoccupied with collecting her books that she didn't hear him come up behind her. She stacked three of the smaller books in her hands and turned to go but ran straight into his hard chest. The books fell from her hands and she looked up. His deep green eyes cut right through her and pinned her in place. The glare marring his features turned him ugly and she looked down at her fallen possessions. What he said next caught her off guard. "Why do you always stare at me?"


	2. With Every Injustice and Deadly Fate

**With Every Injustice and Deadly Fate**

"Why do you always stare at me?" She drew her eyebrows together. She knew that he knew she watched him but she was a little taken aback by his forwardness with the subject. "I'm sorry, I…" Again, he cut her off.

"Do you have some sort of unspoken problem with me or something? I don't even know your name." That barb stung just a little more than it should have. She pressed her lips together before opening her mouth to speak but he just pushed forward. She could feel her face heating up and she could hear her blood pumping in her ears.

"I know that the spikes on my back are a little unsightly but if you have a problem you should just ignore it like everyone else around camp seems to be able to do. I just want to know why you stare." She sighed and brought her eyes up to his. "Have you ever watched a sunset before? Or a sunrise?"

He drew his eyebrows together at her questions but nodded anyway. She licked her bottom lip and nodded. "They're beautiful. It's what captures our attention. It's why we look at them, why we watch them. We can't not watch them. We long to possess their beauty. As human beings we stare at beautiful things. I'm a human being." She shrugged and looked away. "Therefore, I stare at beautiful things."

Ben drew his eyebrows together and watched the pretty brunette who he'd caught watching him on more than one occasion. He didn't know her name but he knew that one of her favorite pass times was watching him. He didn't know why and it bothered him. Naturally, he'd assumed she was bothered by the spikes on his back but he never would've guessed that she thought he was beautiful. So he asked.

"You think I'm beautiful?" She nodded slowly. "I do. And as for your spikes," She shrugged again. "Those are just an unpleasant reminder of how strong you are." That totally threw him for a loop. "You've managed to survive not only the alien attack but being captured and harnessed by said aliens. Not a lot of kids can deal with that and you have. You're a fighter and the spikes prove that." She licked her lips and took a step back. "Now if you don't mind, I need to teach a group of 15 year-olds about The Tell Tale Heart."

She sidestepped him and proceeded to leave him dumbfounded in her wake.

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Ben was still standing in the door of the storage closet/library, dumbfounded, when Hal found him. The older Mason son's eyebrows shot up into his hairline and he regarded his brother carefully. Ben was still as stone and his eyebrows were drawn together in a tight line that brought a crease between them.

"Hey, Ben, you okay, buddy?" Ben blinked and took a deep breath through his nose before turning contemplative eyes to his brother. "What does it mean when someone calls you beautiful?" Hal's eyebrows shot up even farther into his hairline and his jaw hit the floor. He didn't know what to say.

"Well, I would think it means that they think you're beautiful. Why?" Ben sighed and shook his head, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "I've noticed this girl who's been staring at me. Every time I look up, I see her and it's been really unnerving." Hal nodded.

He knew who Ben was referring to. Emerson Teller was the resident English teacher and she was really good too. Hal had gotten into more than one debate with her about a specific reading material and she'd given him a run for his money. She was wicked smart and knew how to handle herself in almost any given situation.

Ever since their dad had found Emerson huddled and alone in a dilapidated house right outside of downtown Boston, she'd been a fixture in their lives. Hal treated her like a younger sister and Matt like an older one. Tom treated her like the daughter he'd never had and she'd quickly found a place in their little family.

Hal had noticed that ever since Ben had come back, she'd avoided him like the plague. At first he thought it was because she was afraid of Ben and the position he would take within his family. She would go back to being an orphan without any semblance of family. But then Hal began to watch her watch Ben. He'd seen that look many times on Rita's face and Lourdes' and Karen's and now Emerson's. She had a crush on his brother. A big one. Hal wouldn't be surprised if Emerson was a little in love with his brother.

She was pretty in an understated sort of way. She had dark, almost black, brown hair that came to the end of her shoulder blades and slightly lighter brown eyes. She was so small and stayed so quiet that unless you were looking for her it was easy to forget she was there.

She couldn't have been any bigger than five foot even and she had the smallest waist that Hal had ever seen. Hal knew that she was 20, almost 21, because she'd told him so but she could easily be mistaken for 15.

Hal had spent enough time with her to know how smart and compassionate she was. She loved with her whole self and cherished the fact that Tom had given her a place in his family. Now that he understood her true feelings for Ben, it was easy to see why she had avoided them for the last several days.

He knew of her fascination with Ben long before Tom had disclosed the information to him. He'd caught her staring more than once. Ever since Ben had become a part of camp she'd had trouble keeping her eyes off of him. Ben didn't notice at first but as he became attuned to his senses he quickly took notice of her avid gaze. Hal could easily see it in her face when she looked at Ben that there was something deeper than a crush festering inside her. She always looked like she was in another place when she stared at his brother. Her eyes would go glassy and she would get this little smile on her face and her cheeks would darken.

Ben thought she was staring at him in disgust. Hal decided that Ben needed to realize for himself that Emerson had a crush on him and wasn't disgusted by his appearance.

"What did you do, Ben?" Hal asked. Ben looked up and shrugged lightly. "I just asked why she stared at me." Hall rolled his eyes and scoffed. "And let me guess, she called you beautiful." Ben shrugged again. Hal threw an arm around his brother's shoulders and led him out of the room. "Ben, sooner or later you're going to have to learn how to distinguish between when a woman looks at you in disgust and when she looks at you in admiration." Ben scoffed and shrugged his arm off. "Well, how was I supposed to know that she felt that way? She never said anything to me."

Hal rolled his eyes at his brother's ignorance. "It's because she felt that way that she never said anything. There is such a thing as nerves." Ben rolled his eyes again and shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "I was really rude to her, too." Hal sighed and ran an open palm over his face.

"You yelled at Emerson? Dad's going to pissed." Ben's head snapped up at the unfamiliar name. "Her name's Emerson." Hal stopped and his eyes widened. "You never knew her name." When Ben shook his head Hal sighed dramatically and shook his head. "Dad has a soft spot for Emerson. He was the one who found her almost three years ago." Ben drew his eyebrows together and thought back to Emerson.

He remembered her being around a lot when he first got to camp but then she kind of disappeared into the background. He saw Matt spend time with her and Hal on individual occasions but she'd never physically been introduced to him. That fact irked him just a little. "If she's so close with Dad, how come we were never introduced?" Hal's eyes widened and he flashed back to everything that had happened.

"I don't know. I mean I assumed that you guys already knew each other and just didn't, you know, get along but every time I brought you up she always changed the subject. I never really thought about it until now." Ben rolled his neck and locked his fingers together behind his head. "So, she thinks I'm beautiful…" he trailed off and met Hal's eyes. His brother nodded, urging him to continue but when he didn't Hal rolled his eyes. "And that usually means she has feelings for you as well. Calling someone beautiful usually constitutes deeper emotions."

Ben sighed and licked his lips. "So, should I apologize for being rude?" Hal cocked his head from side to side and hummed low in his throat. "Yes." Ben sighed and hung his head. "Why do I feel like the asshole when she's the one who never spoke to me?" Hal shrugged. "Rule goes both ways, buddy."

.

She couldn't believe she called him beautiful. To his face, no less. She sighed and slumped down in her chair. He'd just stared at her like she had two heads and both were speaking at the same time in two different languages neither of which he understood. She groaned and pressed her forehead flat against the desk.

Her heart had pounded on the way to her classroom as she left him standing behind her like she'd just gut punched him for no reason. She had so much trouble focusing on her lesson that she released the class 15 minutes early with no homework.

She banged her head on the desk top once and groaned again. Now he was never going to speak to her. He probably thought she was the strangest girl in the world. She called him beautiful and compared him to a sunset. A sunset! She might as well just find the nearest hole and live there.

She shook her head and raised it off the desk. A shriek was caught in her throat when her eyes landed on the doorframe. Ben held up his hands in a surrender pose and smiled thinly. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me."

She glanced up at him and attempted to swallow her heart back into her chest cavity. "We don't all have super hearing like you do, Ben." His smile loosened and he nodded once. "Right, I forget." She nodded and licked her lips, rolling her chair forward and resting her hands on her desk. "Did you need something or were you just trying to scare me again?"

Ben smirked and looked at his feet before shuffling slowly into the classroom. "I never apologized for earlier." She shook her head once and stared at him. "I am…sorry, that is. That I scared you. I was angry and took it out on you, so…I'm sorry." She nodded and cleared her throat. "You were angry at me, though."

He met her eyes and blinked. Every time he looked at her within the last few months, she'd always been angled away from him. He knew that he had caught her staring on more than one occasion and he was frustrated. He automatically assumed that she stared at him because of the spikes on his back. It was safe to say he was a little more than surprised when she told him they were beautiful, more or less.

He'd never taken the time to really look at her before and now he had the opportunity. She had a slender face to match her figure. Her hair was a dark brown similar to chocolate and her eyes were a warm chestnut color. She was small, barely over five feet but her presence drew him in before he even knew her name.

The first time he caught her staring he was embarrassed because he thought she was pretty. The more he caught her, the more embarrassed he would get until it turned into agitation. She'd never spoken to him before so he assumed she didn't want to. Naturally, his mind drew him to his spikes and he began to hate her. He hated the fact that he was attracted to her and that she obviously didn't like him the same way. She thought he was ugly and disgusting and didn't deserve to be a part of their group.

Now, he knew better. She'd been shy and unsure of herself. Ben's mind did a complete 180 and he was right back where he was the first time he caught her staring. Filled with utter fascination for the being before him and hoping beyond hope that he still had a chance with her.

"I was but my anger was displaced, clearly." She blushed and looked away. He stepped further into the room until he was at her desk. He took a step back and sat in one of the chairs across from her desk, his frame dwarfing the small chair. "So your name is Emerson." Her head shot up and her eyes widened. He blushed slightly and shifted his weight. Her blush did things to him that she couldn't know about. Yet, hopefully.

"Hal told me your name." She nodded and twisted the ring around her right thumb. "How'd you get saddled with the teaching job?" She smiled and met his eyes. "Weaver caught me hoarding books and talked to Tom about me being the English teacher. I said yes as soon as they offered me the job." She shrugged and twisted the ring again. "I gave me something to do. A purpose. Made me feel needed." Ben nodded. "I get that. I used to read all the time before the…before." He tensed and shifted in the chair.

"What was your favorite book?" He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and attempted to ignore her sharp intake. She shook her head to clear it. He didn't need to know what that small action did to her. "I loved The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. I read it cover to cover at least six times before everything happened." Her eyes lit up and in that moment he promised himself he would do anything he could to make them do that again.

"Mine too! I had a paperback copy and it got so worn out that I had to tape the covers together. That's the only book that I can finish and then turn back to the beginning and start over." Ben smiled and sat up in his seat. "I got into a really deep discussion once about whether it was 'Stay Gold' or 'Stay Golden'." Her eyes widened and she leaned forward ever so slightly.

"Me too! My roommate had some friends in town for the weekend and we got into this heated debate over it. They wouldn't ever give in and say it was 'Stay gold.'" Ben laughed and watched her light up. She smiled at him and blushed, looking down at her hands. He shifted uncomfortable when his pants tightened. "What?" She asked. He shook his head and licked his lips. "You're beautiful." It fell from his lips before he could stop it and her blush deepened. "Thank you, Ben." It was barely more than a whisper.

He shook himself and cleared his throat before standing. "Well, I just wanted to come and apologize for the way I acted earlier. I hope I see you around, Emerson." She watched him leave and felt her heart finally start to slow. He would easily be the death of her.


	3. Praying It All Will Be New

**Praying It All Will Be New**

Emerson was still immersed in her thoughts when Lourdes stopped by her classroom on her way to the infirmary. "What's that look for?" Emerson's head shot up at the sound of her friend's voice and she blushed deeply. "Ben Mason came by today." Lourdes' eyes widened and she stepped deeper into the room, coming to a stop in front of Emerson's desk. "What did he want?"

Emerson blushed and leaned forward. "Well, I was in the closet picking up books to read and when I turned to leave, I literally ran into him. I dropped all my books and he basically accused me of having a problem with him because I always stared and never talked to him." She blushed at that part and cleared her throat before continuing.

"I told him I didn't have a problem with and then said why I stared." She looked up at Lourdes who had an expectant look on her face. Emerson didn't speak. "Well, what did you say?" Lourdes demanded. Emerson's blush deepened and she ducked her head away from Lourdes' eyes. "I told him I thought he was beautiful." Lourdes gasped and then squealed loudly.

Emerson shot her head up and stood quickly, placing her hand over Lourdes' mouth, silencing her. "Could you be any louder?" She demanded. Lourdes rolled her eyes and pushed her hand away from her mouth. "This is so exciting, Emmy." Emerson rolled her eyes and sat back down. "What's so exciting? We sorted everything out and we talked. That's it."

Lourdes scoffed and sat in the small chair across from her best friend's desk. "Well, now you guys are on better terms. Maybe something good will come of this. Maybe he'll fall in love with you." Emerson laughed loudly. "Just because we've cleared the air doesn't mean he's going to fall in love with me, Lourdes. We've reached an understanding and that's it." She shook her head and pulled open the drawer of her desk and taking out ungraded tests from the previous week.

"Is that all that was said?" Emerson shook her head and half-heartedly read over the answers, seeing them but not comprehending. "What else happened, Emerson?" She hummed and shrugged lightly, underlining a mistake in one student's answer. "He might've called me beautiful." She snapped her eyes up to Lourdes to cut off her squeal before it even left her throat. Lourdes smile appeared almost maniacal and she leaned forward, her elbows planted on the edge of the desk. "Emerson! That means something."

She stood and pushed her chair in. "It doesn't mean anything, Lourdes. We hardly even know each other. Just because he thinks I'm beautiful doesn't mean that he wants to date me." She rolled her eyes and shuffled the papers into a straight pile before bringing them close to her chest and staring at her friend, signaling her departure from the room. Lourdes stood and sighed dramatically. "It's not everyday someone calls you beautiful, Em. Maybe he thinks differently of you now that he knows the reason behind your avid gaze."

Emerson shook her head and looked down. "Just because he knows why I stare doesn't mean his feelings could change. That's shallow for anyone. You shouldn't change your feelings for someone simply because they find you attractive." Lourdes stared hard at her friend before sighing again, less dramatically and with more resignation. "You shouldn't think so lowly of yourself, Emerson."

Emerson watched her friend leave the room first before turning her head to the small window on the other side of the room. People didn't hate you one minute and like you the next. Not after just one conversation. Especially people as complicated as Ben Mason.

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The breeze was chilly as it swept around her like a fog. The sunset was painting the sky orange and red. Tendrils of her hair curled around her neck and shoulders as the wind trailed through it. She was sitting on the roof of building that housed her classroom with her knees tucked up to her chest and her chin resting on them.

The ungraded tests sat beside her, weighed down by a large rock she'd found on the roof. This was where she came to think. About the heavy things at least. Ben Mason was heavy. He'd called her beautiful and she didn't know what to do about that. She'd always seen him as this unattainable subject that wouldn't grow beyond her dreams. It frightened her that it might.

Her being with Ben only ever survived in her dreams and the idea that they could be together for real terrified her more than it should. She'd never had a serious boyfriend before. Sure she'd had two boyfriends in high school but neither one made it past three months and she only ever kissed one of them. When she got to college she'd made out with a few fraternity boys but it never went past that.

Ben Mason scared her because he allowed the possibility for commitment and she'd never had to deal with that before. She was as in love with him as someone who'd never experienced love could be. When her parents had been alive, they always told her that a successful relationship didn't work because each person gave 50/50. They worked because each person gave 100% all the time. Being in a relationship was hard and with the world they lived in, it would be even harder.

She started when she felt someone place a gentle hand on her shoulder before taking the place next to her. "I didn't mean to startle you." Tom smiled. Emerson shook her head and licked her chapped lips. "I didn't hear you come up." Tom nodded and looked out at the sunset. "How'd you find me?" Tom glanced at her from the corner of his eye and smiled. "You weren't in your room, your classroom or the storage closet so I went to Lourdes. She told me you'd probably be up here."

Emerson made a mental note to never tell Lourdes anything ever again.

"What are you thinking about?" Emerson sighed and shrugged half-heartedly. Tom chuckled low in his throat. "Could it have anything to do with Ben?" Emerson stiffened before sucking her teeth. Tom laughed again and shook his head. "I saw him earlier. He had a pretty big grin on his face and he had a certain skip to his step I've never seen before."

Emerson took a deep breath through her nose and shifted her weight. "Really?" She asked. Tom could hear the lie in her voice. She was trying to sound uninterested but wasn't succeeding. "Yeah. I haven't seen him smile like that since before the invasion." Emerson forced the smile from taking over her face. "Good for him." Tom sighed.

"I don't see what you're so hesitant about, Emmy. You love him." She shot her head around to stare, wide-eyed, at him. "What?" She nearly shouted. Tom hesitated before pushing forward. "I can see it in your eyes every time you look at him. It's the same look Rebecca used to have when I saw her looking at me." Emerson ducked her head and hid her face from Tom.

"What are you afraid of, Em? He's not that scary." Emerson looked up and met Tom's eyes. "I've never been in this situation before. I've only ever dreamed of being with Ben and now that there's a possibility that it could happen, that scares me to death." She shrugged. "I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that it'll turn out terribly and we'll hate each other. I'm afraid our relationship will change the whole dynamic of your family. I'm just…" She sighed and shook her head. "Afraid."

Tom allowed her words to sink in and clicked his tongue. "Emmy," She turned her head to face him and he sighed when he registered the fear and hesitation written there. "Emmy, it's okay to be afraid of what we don't know but if we never took any chances we wouldn't be where we are today." She gave him a withering look and he rolled his eyes. "Obviously not now but, the Louisiana Purchase? If Jefferson hadn't have brought that territory from Napoleon then we wouldn't have the land we have today. Taking chances sometimes costs us terribly but sometimes it pays off but you'll never unless you take a chance."

Emerson ducked her head and examined her nail beds. Dirt was permanently stuck beneath her nails and they were ragged and torn. She used to bit them all the time but with all the dirt stuck beneath them, she couldn't stand to do it anymore.

"I don't know what to do." She whispered. Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I think you do, Em." She swallowed thickly. She did.

Tom sighed and eased himself out of the side hug, bringing himself to his feet and swiped down the back of his pants. "Everything'll be okay, Emmy. I promise." She glanced up and nodded once before listening to him walk away.

She thought about Ben and smiled. How could she turn away from something that made her smile?

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**I'm sorry that this chapter isn't as long as the others. I'll try to change that in the future. I'll try really hard to update as soon as possible. I'm trying to avoid updating only on Sunday's but unfortunately that's the route it's been going. I'll try to update on a day that's not Sunday soon. Sorry again for the short chapter. **


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